This is the best thing ever.
"no homo" I whisper as I look at my garden of pea plants. The progeny had expressed a 1:2:1 ratio of genotypes. I am Gregor Mendel.
get it sister marjorie
you ever have one of those moments where you sit back and take a long hard look at your life and your choices and you start to regret everything you’ve become? i’m sitting on the couch in a monsters inc. onesie and eating ice cream straight out of the tub and i’m having one of those moments.
I’ve stopped being sorry for all my soft. I won’t apologise because I miss you, or because I said it, or because I text you first, or again. I think everyone spends too much time trying to close themselves off. I don’t want to be cool or indifferent, I want to be honest. If I love you at 5AM, I’d damn well rather that you know I felt it. If I love you two hours later, I’ll tell you then too. Listen, I won’t wait double the time it takes for you to text me back because I don’t want to. I don’t care enough to be patient with you. I’m happy, you made me feel that way, don’t you want to know? So that’s how it’s going to be. I’m going to leave myself as open as a church door. And I’m going to wake you up before the crack of dawn to tell you that I’m fucking joyful, no pretending, not from me, not ever. Would you like some coffee, would you please kiss me? Here, these are my hands, this is my mouth, it is all yours.
little-assassin requested hannibal and i am so glad because i’ve been wanting to draw this comic for a while
and it’s because of that fucking banana post
I sat here laughing for four fucking minutes straight holding my head with tears running from my eyes and I’m not even sure why its so goddamn funny to me
i definitely am not spending my friday night sitting on the couch in my underwear eating nutella with a spoon and watching pushing daisies…
My favourite Christmas carol is silent night because of the line “holy infant, so tender and mild” because I like to imagine the baby Jesus as a chicken wing
I am willing to marry whoever made this.